Friday, September 01, 2006

VANDE MATARAM!

ON a tv show, a freedom fighter, a tv news reporter and a politician in the year 2006!

FREEDOM FIGHTER(F)::India is my mother land.I can do anything for my country.I can die for my country.
REPORTER(R):But sir can u sing for your country?
F:What?
R:I mean teh national song sir
F:Ofcourse..."Vande mataram...sujalaam sufalaaam"
R:ah..sorry to interrupt You sir, currently there seems to be a lot of controvery surrounding this song.i cant let the rendition of this go on air sir.
F:What?controvesy..but Vande mataram till date, has been the national mantra describing the love of the patriots for our motherland India.
R: hmm..in that case u can sing the remix version of it sir..or the A.R rahman version of it..so it will pass off as entertainement..
F:What?u want me to sing the remix version with all those poor anorexic girls dancing rather jumping around, dressed in bare minimum ,the way our antecedents.. did when they first discovered how to make cloth...Oh my GOSH...wr is this country heading...
teh land of bhagat singh, subhash chandra bose, land of the mahatma..
R: AH sir u forgot rakhie sawant sir..
F: WHO?oh is she a freedom fighter too?
R: ..AH well u can say that sir..she fights for the freedom of item girls from being harassed by the Mikas...oh sir she is so ggreat so divine liek..so...(interrupted by politician)
POLITICIAN(P):Jai hind....namaskar goodevening people..I will eliminate poverty, i will give free ration to people below the poverty line.I shall eradicate corruption , the termite, eating teh society today and making it hollow...
i shall
F:Vande mataram, written by bamkim chandra chatetrjee, was the national cry for freedom from British oppression during the freedom movement. ..

R:excuse me sir , this not your election rally but a set for our talk show "India 270"on our 24/7 news channel ABCDE..."You give us high trps, we give you masala news for free"
(in the background)...F:Vande mataram ..sujalaam sufalaam..malayaja...
P:Oh is that so...ok ok..u see am so busy these days that its difficult to rem where i have to be , especially after these taxing long trips abroad..you know all for the development of the country..
R:Yes sir.. yes sir..sir today we are gong to talk about the controversy surrounding the national song VANDE MATARAM
P: yes yes...our national song..something all indians must be proud of...u see we are discussing the issue and matter will be taken up in the parliament next session...(and not to mention tea coffe..snacks..hotel accomodation..guest houses...air fare..how can we not waste teh tax payer's money??)
R:(Karan thapar style)Sir are u by any chance sugegsting that India will enforce this draconian law?isnt it against the very princples of democracy?It violates teh article 28 of the indian constitution which forbadeS any eductaional institution funded by the state govt from forcing certain religious preachings...
P:Yes yes we are aware of all this.At this point i would only request the fellow citizens to refrain from any kinda violence(...HAHA PLS RESORT TO VIOLENCE SO THAT I CAN MINT MORE MONEY IN THE scams AND GHOTALAS in providing compensation to the riot victims!!..)
F:(by this time all angered by the politicians ambiguous remarks):OOdi baba...its a national song...why so much fuss over it...why does the govt need to pass a bill on making it mandatory for all to sing...why mix religion with patriotism...the constitution recognises the first two stanzas of the song which does not have anything pertaining to religion..then y put doubts in the minds of the innocent citizens of this beuatiful country..who fought against the mighty british with the force of unity...y divide them on this..jai hind...vande mataram
P:Arre sir ji cool down..we are yet to reach a consesnus on the issue..my friend Jlaloo is yet to return from his weekend resort at tihar...as soon as he comes we shall take a decision...
R:Minster sir...shudnt the govt be thinking of more useful and important things such as how to combat terrorism, employemnt for the youth, issue of increasing number of farmer suicides...
P:Yes yes..all this our party has been doing right form the time of its inception(how can u forget the food for oil scam...the..and all the scams that our party is known for..)..all these issues have been ignored by the opposition..they have ruined our country..shame on them...hail Z party!!
F:Vande mataram....karenge ya marenge...do or die...did i live this long to see our country break in to pieces liek this???did we fight for our freedom only to let go of it at the hands of party politics???shame on u
P:Arre sir...cool down...its not the x party...the Y party has proposed this...they are nothing but a party of corrupt politicians who empty teh gazana evrytime they come to power....i am telling u today..elect us next year around too and we will promise a 20% growth in all sectors...open the markets...improve standards of living of the people...and..
F:Arre u stop making big issues outta small moles!...half the battle is won...only wen u blow things outta proportion do things get outta hand...
practice ahimsa ,teh gandhian principle that will save teh world today...jai hind vande mataram....vande....
R:sir i am sorry but we need to go into a small break viewers stay tuned we will be right back after a short break(0f 5 ads!!!)...
(in the background....vande mataram vande mataram..vande mataram)
ad:"oh my god..poor girl...she has a dark complexion na..no suitable match
for her"
sound byte:papapapuppapaa....FAIR,LOuleeee! power!!!...see effect in 6 weeks
ooooohhhh..wt a lovely gal...groom from from America...
Girl:OH THANK U FAIR AND LOULEEEEE..u made my life!!!

R:welcome back to our show..(now taht we have pleased our sponsors..shown u a how to get a groom...how to wash clothes and brush ur teeth)We are in the last segment now..sir ji..ur final comments
F:vande mataram...vande matarm..i will sing this unto death..i will go on fast..give away the bharat ratna if needed...they dare not make an issue out of it...i dint fear fighting against the british..i shall not fear fighting now!!!vande mataram..vande mataram
P:We , the Z party, promise to take a good decison on this issue..the matter has been taken up by the supreme court...we shall abide by the ruling(...well laws are meant to be broken...supreme court rulings are meant not to be followed!!!)
I Ask with folded hands to the people of this coutry..not to indulge in violence..and request our muslim brothers to remain calm and not raise an alarm..
HIndu muslim bhai bhai...we a secular soverign state...(hmmm..another 100000 vites won from both communities!!!..)
R:ok viewers with this we have come to the end of our program..stay tuned for more such interesting, useful topics and (thus mint money with more such movie specials..bollywood unlimited!!)
Until then keep watching ABCDE 24/7..."U GIVE US HIGH TRPS AND WE GIVE U MASALA NEWS FOR FREE"

4 comments:

Sheks said...

LOl :-). Very hilarious!However you could have included the jaswant singh's mole controversy too.Good one,anyway.

sadhana said...

http://www.nagarnews.com/indianpatrioticsongs/vandemataram-lata.htm
Listen Vande Mataram

Manikandan Sachidanandan said...

gud one lavanya... enjoyed it!

vinsamp said...

great post. a far cry from the one about I.